I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
