It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
