I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
