You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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