you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
