24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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