hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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