You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
