id be glad to
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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