It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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