I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
