I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
