Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
