Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
