so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
