This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
