i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
