Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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