I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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