I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
