Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
