I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
