wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The police scanner is talking about you again....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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