I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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