they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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