Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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