Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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