she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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