just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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