Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
