Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
