Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
