I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
