how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
