i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
