from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She bit a glass in half.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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