I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
