everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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