Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
