i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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