1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
