She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
