Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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