I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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