Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
