How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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