glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
