You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
