I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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