I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
