saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
