Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
