If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
