i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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