nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
