so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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